noun
- the action of removing someone's doubts or fears.
- a statement or comment that removes someone's doubts or
fears.
It's been eight months now. Eight months of redefining
our family and eight months of digging deep. It's been a sweet time of
redemption and victories and it's been a challenging time of stretching and
growing.
Fact is, I wouldn't change one second of it.
For those of you that have talked me down from the ledge, I
know you're probably thinking, "Not even that one really hard day?"
Nope, not even that one. It's taken me some time (I can sure be a
slow learner when it comes to this thing called life) but today, I received a
gift. It didn't come with a bow and truthfully, I almost missed it in the
mundane. You see, it was tucked in between packing lunches and dirty dishes and
answering the same question for what seems like the millionth time.
"Will you always be my mom and dad?"
How can it be that this question has become routine? This
is a question I've been asked a lot in the last eight months. It wasn't
in the 'parenting manual'. (Okay, where is that manual anyway?) It wasn't in
the dream that I had painted when I was a young mom staring into the
face of my first born. My devotion to motherhood has always been a given in my eyes. I've
never waivered and I've never questioned. As we stood in the kitchen this
morning, I looked deep into the eyes of uncertainty. The simple task of parting
ways for the day was bringing about insecurity and a sense of abandonment. It hurt
my heart so much the first time these words fell on my ears. How must it feel
to not hold the assurance of unconditional love? What turmoil comes with
the unknown? Admittedly though, I've grown impatient. I've been
inconvenienced by the challenge of running to the store or even using the
bathroom without tripping over a waiting a child and answering this same
question again, sometimes asked with eyes only. I've allowed myself to grumble and moan about the extra time
and extra words it can take some days.
...and then, I started doubting my Father.
Isaiah 40:28 ~ Do you not know? Have you not heard? The
LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not
grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom.
I started to question if He was really there through the
thick of it and if He would always be there, even if I was broken. I wondered
if He was listening and if He could hear the urgency in my repeated
requests. Would He always be my Father? Today, in the mundane of life, He
gave me reassurance once again. If in my humanity, I can without a doubt
reassure my son that he will never look to the skies again and pray for a
family, then how can I not know that my Father, who knit me together before my
first breath will never abandon me?
