I've heard it said that adoption turns your life upside down and your heart right side up. At the time, it sounded like a catchy little phrase to use in a blog post.
Okay, it is.
In the last 3 weeks, this has become so much more than a phrase though. It is our life. We boarded a plane with our 'luggage' full of expectations and fears not so long ago but, somehow we over packed. When we said yes to adoption nearly 2 years ago, there was no way to know what we were signing up for. We heard the stories...oh yes, we heard them. People feel compelled to share them just like a group of women will tell labor stories when your pregnant. All in good intention, right? We also seen the sweet faces of children waiting for their families that were coupled with stories that gripped my heart. It was hard not to fall in love with each one of them. I will admittedly say that we fell in love with Daniel's infectious smile and his need for a family first. We fell in love with obedience to a God who had rescued us and called us his own and we knew that we had to respond. What we didn't know was what it required. I won't relive the roller coaster that put Great America to shame. The adoption process is hard. What I will tell you is that every single obstacle was met with provision and every single road block gave way.
Now, we are on a new leg of the journey. We've been home for 1 week now and the only way I can describe it is a comfortable discomfort. Allow me to explain...
I have been on three mission trips to Africa, two of which were to my son's birth country. Each time I return home, I feel like I'm in a fog. It is hard for me to find my place in such contrasting cultures and I'm always left asking God how to respond to what I've seen, felt, heard, smelled... Although my recent time in Burkina was not mission related, I believe that when you have a heart seeking this very question to God, He is always answering. This trip was no exception. This time my husband was by my side and he too was feeling the pull at his heart. It is one thing to fall in love with a picture. It is one thing to see the faces of poverty and need through a computer monitor. It is another thing all together when it is standing next to you on the corner, or when you are holding it's severely disabled child. It doesn't leave you when you are standing in the walls of it's church or when you are holding it's hand. It sticks with you. ...sometimes, it comes home with you and you look into its eyes each and every day and it compels you to give more of yourself than you even knew existed.
This picture doesn't look like much but it is a glimpse of what it looks like to have your heart turned right side up. This is a picture of Daniel's leftovers from last night. These are the few things that he didn't care for and had picked out of his supper and rolled into a napkin. He's a great eater but hey, how many kids really like cooked carrots and cabbage? When he had finished eating and cleared his spot from the table he motioned to the napkin, asking me where to put it. I told him he could put it in the garbage but he looked confused. I said it again because I wasn't sure he heard me correctly. One of the things Daniel has loved to help with is the garbage and I was sure this was something he was familiar with. As he heard me say it again and point towards the pantry where our garbage is kept, he again met my charades with a puzzled look. Finally, he asked me in French, "donate?"
What Daniel was saying is, "Mama, who can we give this to?"
Just a few weeks ago I had tucked an old, mostly eaten piece of bread into a black plastic bag at the guest house we stayed at because quite frankly, I was embarrassed to throw it away and have the grounds keeper find it in our garbage. The next morning as I turned the corner to hang clothes out to dry, there sat the black plastic sack with the old bread, waiting to be eaten. People just don't throw food away. There were many times in the two weeks we were in Burkina that we handed food out to children in need or gave empty plastic water bottles to those who have no means to carry water on a 100+ degree day. Daniel was the first to give joyfully! It was just a given each day to share everything we had. I'd like to think we live our lives with intention in our culture as well. We try to be available to what needs God places before us...but I don't know if it becomes uncomfortable.
As we bring our first week to a close, learning what our new normal is, there is a comfortable discomfort in our house. It is one that demands that we respond to what we can't un-know. It asks us to dig deep and to be aware. It reminds us that as we find shelter in the walls of our home and our bellies are full each night, there are still needs that we know exist and they ask us to open our hearts.
This is the face of our "yes" to God. This is the face of our comfortable discomfort, one we are so grateful for. I urge you to ask God today what He wants you to trust him with, and respond.
In His Grace,
Lisa
